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Feeling a bit better - Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:24:15 GMT

Well, the funareal was yesterday and it was really really hard to go through with, the grief and distress suddenly hits you. I thouht I was dealing OK with everything but then it all came to a head. I did manage to give me eulogy though. Im extremely proud of it too. I was first of 3 from me, my mum and finally my uncle. I was on auto pilote reading it but then just as I got to the last paragraph, I came round and I started choking but I managed to complete it and I am thirlled in a way to express to the people who were there how much I love my nan. People came up to me after the funeral at the party afterward and said how brilliant my speech was, even my cousin Martin said that he could tell it came from the heart and it meant a lot that what I said mattered to other people too. I spent the rest of the day clearing up and tidying after people but then I just broke down again and if it wasnt for Jake being there I would have just been a mess. I think thats the first time that my Aunt has seen 2 men, family members, boyfriends, hugging in front of her. She couldnt say anything becaus she was taking my Nans great-granddaughter Elly out into the garden but she tapped me on the bum as she walked past which I took to be a gesture of support while Jake was hugging me. It was hard on my mum obviously and sister, I think even my dad found it hard but its done now and even while we were stood by the grave I felt as though Nanny was sill here, I still do, I think it will take some time until it really sinks in but Im going to continue talking to her and asking for her advice in my head, it really makes me smile thinking how fantastic she was....anyway, thanks for those who sent me their support.


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